Southern Snow

Be gentle when teasing those of us south of the Mason-Dixon for our Chicken Little approach to snow!  Of course we close schools & shut down businesses for a couple of inches of the white stuff!  Obviously, the very mention of a blustery two foot accumulation will send us dashing to the store in a panic to strip its shelves bare of milk, bread, eggs, water... and wine.  Snow and icy covered roads strike tremendous fear into the darkest corners of our souls.

But do you understand why??

It’s true that winter storms occur infrequently in the southeastern states, but our reason for the tizzy is about much more than just not being accustomed to it. Cities, like Atlanta, are not equipped to handle a Snow-pocalypse, as we all witnessed last year, nor would it be in their best interest to prepare and budget yearly for a team of snow plows and the like for such weather!  The further south you go, the less likely it is that snow shovels, salt, or any other snow-battling weaponry will even be available to find at your friendly neighborhood Wal-Mart or Home Depot.  Why would they stock their shelves with such things in the unlikely event that a blizzard would strike that year?  Also, though I’m no engineer, I’d be willing to bet that the construction of the buildings and roads of our charming Southern townships considers warmer weather in its structure planning for safety rather than cold, possibly making them ill-suited for plunging temperatures and the destructive powers of ice.

Yes, we know you northerners laugh at us for having a slightly higher ambient temperature and an inability to drive in ice and snow.  Although, I must point out the false confidence in your own winter driving abilities often astounds me with its disastrous endings. Perhaps news coverage of such accidents is the source of our southern fear. In any case, we don’t mind being the butt of your jokes.  In fact, I always find a good little giggle in the sad truth of your winter memes.  

Just remember, when temperatures soar to the not-quite triple digits this summer and your area issues an extreme heat advisory, striking fear into your own hearts, the tables will turn and we will all have a good laugh on you.